One of the best forum members we had on Drunkgamers was Faded. His site was funny as it is, but he did a dead on parody of DG that gave me much joy. So what has he been up to since then? According to the man himself, he has "quit the internet" and does stand-up comedy about five nights a week. Really. So besides getting to deal with brutal audiences and crippling self doubt daily, he gets to see other people do the same, and a do a poor job at it to boot! Their pain is our gain, as we get the pleasure of reading their terrible attempts and being funny, on a weekly basis no less! Thank you, Faded. Thank you, idiots.

I knew a girl who was so cross eyed her contact lenses touched!

Do homeless people say there's no place like here?!

Is it really necessary to give a blind person a surprise party? No need to turn out the lights people! Stay quiet!!

I just opened for Andrew Dice Clay! Then I slammed the door in his face!

Yeah, I like making out with retarded women .... boy, do they moan!

What's up with midgets?!

How do you 69 a midget?! Boy ...

This is my impression of the:

a) CROC HUNTER!

b) Michael JACKSON!

c) George W. Bush only he's an ESKIMO!

Anybody ever take a picture of their shits? I knew a woman who took a giant DUMP in my toilet but she wouldn't do anal! What's up with that?!

That was painful. Look for more next week.