I probably get as many complaints about these as I do compliments. Wait, what am I saying, they're all complaints. Get ready to suffer!

-Man, weed.....you know what I think about weed....I FORGET.

-You ever smoke so much weed you sneeze seeds? Man, weed.

-Why do handicapped children wear helmets? Yeah, let's protect them from becoming retarded! HAHAHAH Man, retards.

Comedy is so bad lately that Richard Pryor is spinning in his grave. Except that he's not dead, so he just kinda twirls a little in his wheelchair.

-Why do BLIND people wear SHADES? Yeah, let's protect the EYE SIGHT! HAHAH Man, blind people.

-What's up with Bill Clinton/George Bush/Al Gore/Joseph Lieberman trying to change motion picture standards? Man, politicians should be about freedom. Man.

-Look at you! You're a hot bitch now, I'd like to put your shoes behind your ears/head/shoulder/VAGINA.

-So my girlfriend doesn't have any pubic hair, yay chemo.

-*Comic gets onstage wearing a blue cape* Hello .... my name is captain pussy! Defender of POON!

-*Comic gets onstage wearing a red cape* Hellloooo laaadies. I'm the red hornet; and it's about time for a friction induced oral lubrication!

-I'm not wearing this Michael Jackson glove because I'm a fan, it's just that I'm really half cyborg! And I hate myself!

-Yeah, I'm a female comic. I wish I had a dick!!!!

-Yeah, I'm a female comic. Sometimes I wish I could just push my finger into my boyfriend's ass and make his cock bigger.

I'd give out Faded's personal info but i don't want him getting hate mail. More to come, suckazzzz!