My roommate has TIVO. If you watch TV and don't have TIVO you're basically being cheated and should pay for it as soon as you can. But that's another article for another day. The point is that I see TV that I wouldn't normally. Like I have caught myself watching Trading spaces now and then. Also another story, isn't it? The point is that I happened to catch the finale of American Idol.

I have failed to catch the appeal of this show. To me, some limey being continually brutal to people loses its edge when you see the people he doesn't tear into. How do you pick who to tear into? And how do people watch this show? How many saccharine versions of top 40 can yank your crank? The first time I heard most of these songs, they were annoying Yes, I am complaining, but the point of this article is actually positive.

So that's where KD Lang went!

No, I didn't think that either of the winners could really sing. I hated the version of of "Bridge Over Troubled waters" that was done. Actually, I hated that song in the first place. But doesn't hearing it as karaoke some how make it more cheesy? That's all this show is and was: karaoke. Same cheesy synthesized instrumentations. Same weird emotive gestures. The operative difference is the budget and the size of the PA system. Oh and that gospel choir. Did anyone else find that weird?

Why was I encouraged by the finale of American Idol? Because the finalists were remarkably ugly. One of the saddest things about the record industry today, in my opinion, is that Jennifer Lopez has a career. She flat out CAN NOT SING, and people line up to buy her album, see her concert, wear her perfume, and receive her taco flavored kisses. SHE CAN NOT SING. She has no range, she is ALWAYS flat, and she's a fucking pain the ass. So why does she keep on getting roles in movies and the like? It's the ass. Yeah, it's a great ass, and yeah, she has ass for days and days. But how does that justify 3 albums that make your ears bleed?

I wish I could say that this praise meant that i thought Clay or Ruben were good singers. I guess in some sense they were. They could sing on the beat and they weren't out of tune...at least not drastically so. But without watching any of the other episodes, I felt completely confident that they were the best competitors left among the field. Because man were they ugly. Now, Ruben was not threateningly ugly, he was actually ugly in a kind of cuddly way. But Clay. Clay was powerfully ugly. Clay was, in fact, fugly. Clay has been set on Halloween since childhood. Clay wore a shirt made of bacon so the dog would play with him. Godzilla takes pictures of Clay. So to me, the fact that a man this hideous made it to the finals demonstrates that there is some sense of fairness in American Idol. You know when you watch the Academy Awards and you wonder if the Best Actress winners know that everyone is looking directly at their boobs? Well at least at this point we know, as stupid, boring, and ridiculous as American Idol is, it has some integrity.

Does this proliferation of the unattractive in entertainment industry say something? Maybe it's a bit early to claim two ugly characters on one show means a movement, but it is worth noting that it's one fo the most popular shows of the last couple years. Could it be that we're actually running out of attractive people to put on TV? Maybe. But I like to think that as artificial as this program is, the higher-ups at Fox were horrified that somehow their experiment had gone out of control. The network that brought you "Temptation Island", "Temptation Island 2", and "HPV Peninsula" was stuck with a grand finale featuring two people who would have to dress up to be considered homely. Did they consider paying for emergency plastic surgery? Did they consider making neither of them winners? I like to picture that. But then again I also know that if i had to watch another American Idol I'd probably want to die. Why do they have to make social progress in a segment of culture I'd love to ignore? Because the joke's on me. The end.