 | | ROOMMATE VS. WALL! Roommate wins first round, then wall sues for damages and takes roommate's girlfriend. Rommate cries. |
When I first came to college, I was just happy to get out of the house. I still remember the first time I moved in. I was unpacking boxes in my tiny dorm room, listening to music, and just feeling really free. I was in a new city filled with beautiful women and crazy nights. Nevermind that my roommate was probably the most boring person I'd ever met. He went to bed every night at 11 PM. I shot for 5 AM on a good night. Within my first week on campus I had gotten drunk for the first time and joined a club that traded porn for bibles. He had joined Campus Crusade and the designated driver program. Also, let's disregard the fact that I never really got into the whole "beautiful women and crazy nights" grind. Up until my junior year a crazy night was drinking within 15 feet of the opposite sex.
My life may have not been that cool in retrospect, but at the time, it was fucking thrilling. The fact that I basically lived in a broom closet with someone I would never choose to hang out with didn't bother me. Unfortunately, that kind of charm doesn't last forever. You eventually can't get that excited about hearing every inhale and exhale of some dude and you want to move up in the world. My attempt at social climbing didn't go to well, as I managed to find a smaller, dirtier one bedroom dorm with one of my good friends. The fact that we already knew each other was the only reason why this could be considered a step up, otherwise it was really terrible. And being in close quarters with one of your good friends isn't really a good idea either. It sounds like fun, but you quickly pick up on all the annoying things that each of you do and start doing bitch shit like fighting over taking out the trash. All the little idiosyncrasies that seemed charming when you weren't falling asleep in the same room are now grounds for murder.
 | | I call this one "par for the course". |
Eventually you'll probably do what I did: get your first apartment with separate bedrooms. No matter what this will probably be exciting at first. But in the last year of living in the illustrious Castle Arms, I got a hard lesson in what renting was really all about..and what it's like to live in a situation where you're not being monitored on a daily basis. This starts out feeling like freedom, but the reality is that it means you have to follow up on maintanence stuff yourself. It may start out feeling like not that big a deal. But that's why renters make money off of stupid kids like you and me year after year. The day I moved into my old apartment, I found out that the frame of the building was at 87 degrees to the ground. I can't do anything about that. But my fucking refrigerator was at 10 degrees, meaning that the freon was pooling at the back, freezing anything towards the rear, and warming everything at the front. It didn't occur to me to do anything about that until my parents reminded me that I was paying for the privelige of a broken fridge.
 | | Thanks, anonymous drunk ass. I always wanted to see how the water closet worked. WAIT. NO I DIDN'T. |
Even when issues like that get resolved, your apartment will have a funny way of creating new ones. One day you'll wake up and realize that the faucets are so old that all the water tastes faintly of rust. That many of the light switches lead to nothing, but are probably still draining power and turning up on your bill. And soon you'll decide to have your friends over and it'll get even worse. The lid of your water closet will mysteriously shatter. You'll get complaints about a mass of cigarette butts and beer bottles on your balcony. Somebody will take a dump in your toilet so horrible that you leave the house for a few hours just to get it out of your head. Your only comfort will be that any of your friends who's had an apartment before you has had it just as bad for longer.
But for all the problems, the benefits made for some undeniably good times. The first time I had a girl stay over night without having to sneak around a RA or a roommate, it was a beautiful thing. To come home whenever i felt like it and have literally no one looking after me: that was a great day. And then there was the day I drank whiskey traight from the bottle in a fit of emo passion. It's actually kind of comforting to puke in your own home. Having an apartment sucks; but just the same, it's a wonderful thing. Castle Arms, I will never willingly rent from you ever again. But you have my heart.
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