I'd like to think i'm a pretty easy going guy. This probably has something to do with being so high strung and insane for a long time that I started to annoy myself. You may find this humorous, and to that I say, "DAMN RIGHT, ASS. I'M FUNNY!" You may also come up with some kind of patronizing comment like, "Well, we're all a little crazy, aren't we?" Thank you, Oprah. I feel so relaxed and welcomed now. but let me point out to you a few key demographics that tend to be more insane than others:

1) Webmasters.
2) Women who date webmasters.
3) Those who have actually been diagnosed as insane.
4) Women who wear leopard or cheetah print anything.
5) Anime fans.
6) Anyone who ever got a straight edge tattoo.
7) Anyone creative who is also described as "quirky" or "eccentric".
8) Anyone who works in tech support.
9) This guy.

The unfortunate thing is that I fit in no less than three of those categories. But there are some things that just drive me into an extra special fit of fury. They're usually people. Madonna, for example, drives me insane. But today I will tell you about a special person who makes me extra special super angry and all the special reasons that I dislike them for. Today, I want to talk about Paul McCartney.

Paul McCartney, once upon a time, was in a band called the Beatles. They did a lot of drugs and wrote songs about holding peoples' hands. Then they did some more drugs and wrote about racoons, and, um, god. Then one day, the Beatles weren't a band anymore, and they were all left to their own devices. They all handled it different ways. John Lennon married an ugly women with whom he made ugly music. Ringo Starr tricks people into playing with him every few years by pointing out that, he, too, was in the Beatles. Nevermind that whole Yellow Submarine thing. Or every other song he ever wrote. George Harrison reminded us all that Liam Gallagher is a douchebag, then died, having done a service to the world. Paul McCartney did lots of things to make me mad. Here's a few:

He's the only one alive, so yes, he is the most talented Beatle. DAMN YOU RINGO!

1. He tried to pretend that he didn't get shown up by Lennon and Harrison
once they got past the whole "we write the same song ten times" phase.

If you listen to the early material, you'll notice something. Your CD isn't on repeat, but it'll sure seem like it is. This is why there were 10,000 rip-offs of the Beatles, because it wasn't hard to do so. But as George and John got a better handle on where they were going songwriting wise, Paul basically got relegated to a couple songs per album. And you can pick them out too. But for years and years he basically dealt with the fact that he didn't have the chops by taking as much credit as he could in public. Well, now that the other two guys who weren't complete idiots are dead, he doesn't have anyone to compete with. Good for you, Paul!

2. He was in this other band called Wings

And they were really bad. This leads to my next item...

3. For some reason, they made a greatest 'hits' album, and played the infomercial for it constantly on Comedy Central.

My freshman year, I would study until I felt like my brain was dying and go up to the TV lounge in my dorm (my roommate went to bed at 10:30 PM sharp, so no tv in there) to recuperate. One night a week I'd get lucky and find the baseball card homes-shopping show with the guy who claimed you could buy a house by selling one of the items at market value. The rest of the time I'd take whatever Comedy Central would throw at me and lie comatose on the couch. Somehow, I think that whoever set the advertising schedule for the evening knew i wouldn't be able to move and decided to be cruel. I saw the commercial for the Wings compilation so many times that i started singing along in spite of myself. And hating myself every second that i did.

4. He really does believe that people care what he thinks about vegetarianism and land mines and saving the chinchillas or whatever else.

I call this the Bono Syndrome, but considering that Paul McCartney has been around longer, maybe it should be named after him. The program goes like this. One day, some rich celebrity who's waited on hand and foot every day of his life wakes up and has an opinion. Because he's a rich celebrity, he can afford to pound his opinion into the rest of the world like it's the gospel. The basic fact is that someone starts to assume that just because they can say it in a public forum, anyone and everyone should have to hear it. Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying that landmines are good and that Paul McCartney doesn't seen the obvious benefits to mankind created by violent maiming. I am saying that even when i do agree with someone's politics it drives me insane when they figure that me wanting to hear what they have to say is a given. If I wanted to hear a smug jerkoff talk, I'd orate in the shower like I usually do.

He looks so happy. He's probably thinking about all the window tint that "She's So Heavy" will buy.

To me this is upsetting on many levels. First, the level that seals Paul's reputation as the money ho of the group. Second, on the level that the music of the Beatles became a source of income for one of the most frighteningly strange people of the 21st century. Think about it. Royalties from "A Day in the Life" has financed many years of candy and white vans with no windows. "Come Together" paid for the roller coaster used to bewilder the children of migrant cleaning ladies. FUCKING "WHILE MY GUITAR GENTLY WEEPS" FINANCED BABY DANGLING. Granted, he had no idea when he sold the rights that Jackson was THAT strange, but it leaves a sticky stinky residue on an already besmirched history. Good work Paul!

Articles need conclusions. Here's mine. Paul McCartney sucks the end bye.